On the day Bud died, as I was driving home from the pasture, I stopped at the store to pick up a few groceries that we needed-almond milk, cat food, broccoli, a grapefruit, and frozen raspberries.
I also quite consciously added two chocolate frosted doughnuts and a bag of Jordan almonds to my cart.
I knew exactly what I was doing.
I wanted comfort food, the kind that comes wrapped in a lovely combination of sugar and fat.
Maybe I wanted to escape into a sugar buzz hoping it could distract me from the sadness that walked with me from the pasture into the store and then followed me home.
I guess the only good news is that I didn’t buy a dozen doughnuts. And the bag of almonds was small – not even a quarter pound.
Rick and I ate the chocolate covered sugar bombs, and most of the almonds and shared memories of Bud. The sweetness tasted good to me, comforting just as I ‘d hoped.
I’ve never bought doughnuts or pastries or even cookies on a regular basis.
And lately, since we’ve been trying to eat food that is honestly better for our bodies, I’ve only rarely brought these things into our house at all. That is until two weeks ago when the sad, hurting, lets-make-a-deal part of my brain rationalized that we had a “good reason.”
But plain and simple, this was stress eating.
No way would carrot sticks and a dollop of hummus fit the bill. I craved sugar and fat.
Usually my comfort food of choice is something salty. Give me a bag of chips any old day. (Something else I rarely buy because I can’t be trusted not to eat the entire bag in a few days. You know how that one goes; a handful of chips here, a handful there and before you know it, the bag is empty and you have expanded to a larger pant size!)
Pepper has also been craving comfort food.
She’s not interested much in her grain. What she wants are those little cubes of alfalfa that she adores. Or a huge pile of hay that she has all to herself. I still encourage her to eat her grain, mainly because it’s laced with her meds, and it’s good for her.
But I understand how the regular old food just won’t do when one is grieving. I’ve indulged her plenty in the last couple of weeks. She’ll get back on her grain when she’s ready, just as we’ve gotten back to our more healthy program of eating.
So how about you?
Are you a stress eater? If so, what’s your comfort food of choice?