When I began this blog, it was with a plan to discuss how my two old sweeties are helping me learn from, deal with, and become enlightened about aging.

Their aging and mine.

For the most part, I think I’ve done that, with perhaps a few detours along the way.

Today I’m back on track with a topic that no one wants to discuss and all of us have to face.

Sometime around hitting the big 5-0.

I’m talking about the dreaded colonoscopy.

It’s supposed to be the highlight of your fiftieth year. Okay maybe that’s an overstatement.

And for those of you trying to do the math, yes, I’m a couple of years past fifty.

When the nurse inquired why I was having the procedure done, I answered, “It’s a general screening.”

I could see her doing a mental tally. Then she smiled. “You’re a bit late aren’t you?”

I shrugged. I mean really, how do you answer that?

“So what if I’m thirteen years late? I’m here now aren’t I?”

That didn’t seem like the best approach. Especially given that this nurse was about to insert an IV needle into my vein.

Instead I added a smile to my shrug.

There are some reasons, which I feel compelled to share with you. I hope my coming clean (sorry for the pun) doesn’t scare you off.

In no particular order, here are my reasons for waiting thirteen years to schedule a screening colonoscopy:

  1. I’m a procrastinator. I hate to admit it, but it’s true.
  2. We’ve had a few insurance issues to deal with.
  3. I didn’t want to.
  4. It’s not something we talk about in polite company. (I’m having trouble believing that I’m actually blogging about this to the whole world. So much for that excuse!)
  5. I didn’t think I had to worry about it.
  6. I’m really good at denial.
  7. I’d heard stories about nuclear expulsions. Even columnist Dave Barry said he felt like he needed a seat belt just to stay on the toilet. That put me off just a bit.

But yes, you’re correct if you think these are pretty flimsy excuses. I guess all it takes is a few friends with polyps, tumors, and the big C to finally get through to me.

I drank the magic expulsion potion, finished reading a paperback while I was in the bathroom, and the next day, checked my modesty at the door of the surgery center. After that it was easy sailing. The hospital staff was great. They brought me a heated blanket. I could get used to that part. The rest of the procedure is a big blur. I remember going to sleep and then waking up. Easy peasy.

It makes me feel silly for waiting so long.

I’m proud to say that we are now a two-colonoscopy family. Or as my friend Laurel described it, we are squeaky clean.

That would be us. Sorry if that’s too much information.

If you’re putting this little procedure off, please stop. Make the appointment. You’ll like yourself for it.

I promise.